Of Winners, Losers, and Soccer

"What was the score?"

The question was posed yesterday by one of the players (I can't even remember which one anymore) on a U6 soccer team that I coach (we have affectionately named our team the "Tigers" in honor of our sponsor).

Its an innocent enough question. Parents (dads, mostly) are constantly posing the question to other adults in connection with the sports they love. Plus, there are probably a few brothers and sisters who have been heard uttering similar questions.

And don't get me wrong. This team has a great set of parents. I mean, a really great set of parents. I doubt that there is anyone that has suggested to any of our players that they need to be concerned about the score. But, when it comes to sports, adults like to talk about how our teams and players are performing, so its a pretty common question for a five year-old to hear. I have no doubt that this particular player finally connected the dots and figured out that - yes - you could keep score in their games as well - and that someone probably is.

Truth is - I usually don't even try to count the goals at this age, so I didn't have a ready answer for this particular player. But I really wish there were some way to get that question out of our team's collective consciousness - at least for another year or so.

Winners and losers and scores. Champions and runners-up and also-rans. Those will all come soon enough in life. Probably all too soon

At an average age that is approximately three years more than the Tigers, my U8 team knows how to keep score. They are counting goals during the game. They know when they are ahead and/or behind. They get disappointed with themselves when they lose. At the end of the day, I try to keep the pressure off of them in terms of generating a favorable outcome on the scorecard; I want them to reflect on how they are improving and on the effort they are making, not on the outcome of the game. But - they have become so conscious of the score - its an issue I can't ignore. We have to talk about how well we're doing in terms of scores and match-ups, because - like it or not - its one of the factors that motivates that team.

I don't know any other way to put it than this: the game, the team mentality, the way you feel after a game (particularly a loss) - it just changes once the players become conscious of the score.

Just this morning, another Tigers player ran up to me and stood less than a foot in front of me, anxious to talk about yesterday's game. So we talked. We talked about a goal that she had scored. We talked about how much fun we had. We talked about what a great job our team did. The whole experience had just been easy, innocent fun for parents and kids alike.

The sixty seconds or so that I spent with that player this morning were a huge reminder to me. As our U8 team evolves toward awareness of the "adult" issues involving scores and winning, and as I (sometimes more successfully than others) try to work out the best ways to motivate and teach that team in an increasingly competitive environment, it is a God-send to also be part of something where the kids are having fun just playing.

Experience tells me that, despite the best efforts of myself and all of the parents on my team, the "what-is-the-score" questions will just keep coming. But I'm hoping we can hold out as long as possible.

I'm having way too much fun to think about the score.