Not So Casual About Conversation

I have a lot of decent life skills. I think I can probably score passable marks in most categories: parenting, work, language and math, personal responsiblity, hygene, even fitness. Thats not to say that I don't need a little work here and there (I probably would get a C in fitness), but in the end, I think I can get by in most of the essential areas that shape a person into a productive member of culture and society.

But there is one life skill in which I feel horribly deficient: casual conversation.

I am terrible at this. And if you've ever tried to strike up a casual conversation with me, please know that - even as you are doing your best to get me to say something, anything that is interesting - I am feeling genuinely sorry for you.

Its not that I think the issues in the conversation are unimportant, or that I'm bored with you. I just can't get the knack of it. As a result, I tend to give unusually short answers to a lot of questions ("How is work going?") and I am sometimes stumped about how to respond to others ("Looks like we're not going to get any rain this week, huh?"). I try, I really do, to come up with passable responses to questions like these. But sometimes, I've just got nothing.

The result: a lot of awkward silence that neither of us like very much.

I am even worse at coming up with casual topics of my own. My areas of general cultural and social knowledge are not very well rounded. Sports? I can talk Cowboys a little, but I hardly follow anything else. Weather? Every once in a while, I will look at a forecast, but I generally don't know what kind of weather to expect for the next few days. Politics? I never followed local politics very closely, and I seldom am very aware of the newest "hot issue" in Washington. Also - while I am generally aware of nationally publicized trials - I don't even know enough about most of them to make many observations.

As a result, trying to carry on a casual conversation with me is only marginally better than talking to a tree stump. In fact, the tree stump has some advantages, becasue at least it doesn't give you empty stares as it despirately tries to come up with something to talk about.

That doesn't mean that there aren't subjects that interest me. I love deep, meaningful conversations on subjects that I am passionate about. Start talking to me about some of my favorite writers (Dallas Willard, CS Lewis, Brian McLaren, John Eldredge) and their books, and I'm liable to talk your head off. Ask me about my favorite strategies in a game like Civilzation III or about why I'm so upset that Madden 2006 is going to cost $50, and you'll get a meaningful response. I can tell you why I love the new Battlestar Galactica (even though I haven't seen many episodes), and why I think Star Trek waaaay overstayed its welcome in our culture. I can go on and on about the things I liked about Episode III. If you read my blog, start talking to me about anything I've written in the last two weeks, and I'm ready to go.

But when it comes to things like weather, sports, politics, or other general news/social topics, I often just freeze up.

(I envy my wife. She can make conversation so well. People love talking with her, even in passing, because she can be witty and insightful, and she is a really good listener. I wish I could learn to converse like she does.)

So...next time you are talking to me, please be patient with me - and if things get really awkward after a few seconds of silence - feel free to laugh and say "You wrote about just this thing in your blog the other day, didn't you?"

I'll probably blush, smiling back at you, and say, "Yeah, I did."

Then, maybe we'll have something to talk about.