Parenting Formulas
I have now been a parent for fourteen years. Here is what I have decided about the perfect formula for good parenting:
There isn't one.
In our tips-and-hints-crazy-society (which, in a way, I lamented over a few days ago), magazines, books, friends, web sites, and radio programs are full of no end of advice on parenting. Its practically an industry unto itself, particularly where young and expecting mothers are concerned.
Much of it, I am starting to see, is malarky.
The real-world parents that I know are all very different. One parent is a strict disciplinarian. Another is proud of how her child is free to explore the world. Another thinks that a particular sort of schooling (public/private/home) is best, or that a particular activity (for example, scouting) is great for thier kid. Another emphasizes a particular pattern at mealtime, or with reading. One allows video games, another bans them.
The "experts" make a few useful observations from time to time, but the problem is that every child is different, every home is different, every set of siblings is different, and every parent has a different temperament. The more I have come to realize this, the more I have accepted several realities:
1. Parenting is like cooking. Different recipies work in differnt homes and with different kids.
2. I am not raising James Dobson's kids. I'm happy to hear what he has to say about his experiences, but I don't automatically assume that they will be those of my family. He may know how to make great pot roast, but his advice will not get me there if I need to bake muffins.
3. I need to ease up on judging other parents. Parenting is a tough job that requires tough decisions. We all handle it differently in accordance with our own personalities and those of our kids. Good, smart kids can go to public school. Crude, poorly educated kids can come from home schooling environments. And vice versa. We don't do ourselves any favors when we start subtly criticizing each other's parenting.
Enough parenting guilt, already! Is there room for us to celebrate our distinctiveness as families and to encourage each other, even as we make different decisions for the directions of our families? My bet is that, if we do that, we're going to end up with much more stable, well-rounded kids than if we sit around arguing over the "right" way to raise a child.
How about you? What sort-of projects do you have in the oven right now?
Technorati Tags: Parenting
There isn't one.
In our tips-and-hints-crazy-society (which, in a way, I lamented over a few days ago), magazines, books, friends, web sites, and radio programs are full of no end of advice on parenting. Its practically an industry unto itself, particularly where young and expecting mothers are concerned.
Much of it, I am starting to see, is malarky.
The real-world parents that I know are all very different. One parent is a strict disciplinarian. Another is proud of how her child is free to explore the world. Another thinks that a particular sort of schooling (public/private/home) is best, or that a particular activity (for example, scouting) is great for thier kid. Another emphasizes a particular pattern at mealtime, or with reading. One allows video games, another bans them.
The "experts" make a few useful observations from time to time, but the problem is that every child is different, every home is different, every set of siblings is different, and every parent has a different temperament. The more I have come to realize this, the more I have accepted several realities:
1. Parenting is like cooking. Different recipies work in differnt homes and with different kids.
2. I am not raising James Dobson's kids. I'm happy to hear what he has to say about his experiences, but I don't automatically assume that they will be those of my family. He may know how to make great pot roast, but his advice will not get me there if I need to bake muffins.
3. I need to ease up on judging other parents. Parenting is a tough job that requires tough decisions. We all handle it differently in accordance with our own personalities and those of our kids. Good, smart kids can go to public school. Crude, poorly educated kids can come from home schooling environments. And vice versa. We don't do ourselves any favors when we start subtly criticizing each other's parenting.
Enough parenting guilt, already! Is there room for us to celebrate our distinctiveness as families and to encourage each other, even as we make different decisions for the directions of our families? My bet is that, if we do that, we're going to end up with much more stable, well-rounded kids than if we sit around arguing over the "right" way to raise a child.
How about you? What sort-of projects do you have in the oven right now?
Technorati Tags: Parenting
posted by Matt at Sunday, November 13, 2005
1 Comments:
thank you for this post. It was very encouraging to me. I get so sick of the stay at home mom/ working mom saga. I'm a stay at home mom. I choose to be. I don't, however, think I'm better than a mom who works! I was homeschooled and I turned out OK, but right now, we choose to put our children in public school. So far, they are OK. And I can cook a mean pot roast. And James Dobson gets on my nerves. Enough ranting...
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